Memories of my Grandfather

Today is my paternal grandfather’s death anniversary. Usually, I like to pay tributes on birthdays rather than on death anniversaries. But my mum shared a picture of him this morning which triggered a lot of memories, so I decided that today I would write about the ways in which I have been inspired by my grandfather.

The word for paternal grandfather in Hindi is Dadaji or Bauji. But we called ours Tata, which is actually the Tamil word for maternal grandfather. Confusing, right? The story goes that my eldest cousin started calling him that and the moniker stuck. There is a practice in my family of using names other than the traditional ones, but more on that another time.

Anyway, I was talking about my Tata. My memories of him are clear and hazy at the same time. I mean, I have a fairly powerful image of the sort of person he was. But my memories of interactions with him are not very strong. First, a few of my memories.

Intelligent and Erudite

I remember my grandfather to be a highly intelligent, erudite, and accomplished man. He was a Civil Engineer, who retired as the Director of the prestigious Central Building Research Institute, Roorkee. He had even received the Padma Shri for his contribution to his field. People would write to him from all over the world seeking his opinion on subjects related to buildings and construction. There would be so many letters addressed to him in the mail every day that I even had a brief affair with philately because of all the stamps I collected. Even today, the very few people who are alive from that generation or those who have some connection with Roorkee remember him with great respect and admiration.

Well Travelled

My grandfather was also very well-travelled. There was an enormous map of the world on one wall of his study, on which he would mark the places he had travelled to. It was mostly full, some places had even been marked more than once. He had collected memorabilia from all his travels, including boarding passes, entry tickets and even some uncashed traveller’s cheques. In those days, they used to issue certificates each time you crossed the equator. When he died, we found several such certificates in his documents. I believe a lot of his travel was work-related. I want to believe that he had fun on those trips too. The generations after him have inherited this travel bug. It remains to be seen whether my world map will ever be as full as his.

Disciplined

One of the most special memories I have of my grandfather is of him having breakfast. He would have the same breakfast every day – a boiled egg, toast, butter and jam, maybe tea. Every day, without fail. I remember that during the nine days of Navaratri, shops would stop selling eggs. Nine extra eggs would be stocked up for that period beforehand so that his breakfast would remain undisturbed. The breakfast would be neatly laid out on the dining table and like clockwork, he would have it at the same time every day. I have unconsciously picked up this breakfast habit. I, too, like to have the same breakfast every day and I can see the benefits of doing that. You start your day with a sense of certainty and purpose, which gets transferred to the rest of your day. My grandfather was also very particular and disciplined about his work, exercise, sleep and meal timings, just like my father. Unfortunately, those habits have not rubbed off on me. Alas! Where would I be today if they had?

Liberal, Fair and Honest

What is strongest in my mind, however, is his image as a man who was liberal, fair and unfailingly honest. I always say that I didn’t learn to treat people with respect and equality from my school or any books. The sense of liberality pervaded the environment in which I grew up. There was no question of discriminating against anyone for their sex, religion or caste. You just treated everyone with respect. Period. I think my grandparents, especially my grandfather, played a huge role in that. He eschewed regressive, traditional customs, especially if they were prejudicial to women. I don’t remember him ever saying anything petty or holding narrow-minded views. He was a principled man and honest to a point where important work (such as renewal of a passport, payment of bills) would get delayed because he refused to grease any palms. Maybe some of his principles were too rigid for his wife and sons. I can’t say anything about that. In my memory, he was a man who had high moral and ethical standards for himself and the people around him. That is why he is and always will be my role model.

I never say this to anyone, but I feel that in my entire family I am most like my grandfather. There is no way to explain this feeling. All I can say is that it is very important to me that my life choices conform to the legacy left behind by him. If I feel that I’m living my life in a way that meets his standards, I’m happy. And maybe I can’t match him in terms of hard work, discipline or success, but I hope to in terms of integrity, fairness and compassion.

This world deserves more men like my grandfather. The future generations of my family can only hear stories about him. I feel lucky I got a glimpse of the real deal.

~P